just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
false alarm, still single
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