Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
