Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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