I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
