Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't put those talents on a resume
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
