Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
