You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
