before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
