come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
