Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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