Can i not drive my cunt home
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
