i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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