i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
