I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
