There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
