We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
