I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I love you.
Bad choice
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
