this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
