Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
