she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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