I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You are the jesus of drinking
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
