I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
