Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
