Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
