he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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