he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
