im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
