Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
