I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
