Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
