I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
