She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
