I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
