I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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