i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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