Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
