I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
