Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
