she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
