it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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