I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
