Duck Duck Cougar?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
