Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
