I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
