Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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