Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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