repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
