we have officially lost it.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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