peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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