Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
