Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I intend to get homeless drunk
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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